Just A (Not So) Small Update

There has been a lot going on lately! I have always had slight insomnia, but lately it’s been even worse because I lay awake at night thinking about a million things… like what needs to be done the next day, school, money, friend stuff, missing my mom, worried about my dad, Autumn, health, my husband, Timur, etc, etc, etc. The list could go on for days. I stress myself out over things that are so out of my control, but I am really trying to work on it. I am working with somebody who has a holistic approach to nutrition counselling. The first step in his program is getting down to the emotional barrier of why I struggle so much with my health and relationship to food. He believes (and I agree) that if you get down to the emotional core of ourselves, the other stuff will start falling into place. So far through our sessions I have started to realize that I have anxiety, and I am letting fear control my life. I even get afraid when Alex is out that he will get in an accident and die and I will spend my whole life broken because I lost the love of my life. After my mom passed, my anxiety got much worse. I had never lost someone that close to me, and I never want to feel that way again. Now I hold the people I love extremely close to me and I am terrified of losing them more then ever. Again, I’m working on all of this!

Anyway, some of the things going on in my life currently:

-I officially declared my major in Social Work a couple weeks ago, very excited about that! The only problem is next semester (fall 2014), in order to catch up to other Social Work majors, I need to take 6 classes. That’s the most I’ve ever taken at one time. I also looked up all my professors on ratemyprofessor.com (lifesaver!!), and I found out ALL 6 of my professors are very hard. Eeeeek, so scared. I don’t have a choice though because I need these classes.

-I am also getting closer and closer to the surgery. The first week of June is 5 weeks from now… that means that in 3 weeks I need to start the all liquid diet. I am horrified for that. I can only eat foods like soup broth (no noodles, meat, or anything) and jello. I have also been freaking myself out about the surgery. Last night I stayed up until 4am researching people who died from gastric bypass surgery. I’m sure it’s a normal concern, but I kept thinking ‘I can’t die and be away from my family’. The thought is so painful.

-I am planning a graduation party for Alex and Timur in late May. I have less than a month to plan it, and I have been procrastinating to the maximum. I NEED to get my butt in gear and start planning!

-Alex and Timur graduate on May 12th. I am very excited for them, but not excited to sit for 4 hours straight for the ceremony. I know, this is a small complaint.

I think that’s about it! I will post in the next week or so another update! Everyone have a great week!

Dimand Girl

“99% of things you worry about, never happen.”- Unknown

“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.”- Denis Waitley

“Trust the process.”- Linda Wagner

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My Gastric Bypass Journey

I want my posts to be a little of everything… recipes, updates, pictures, things that make me giggle, etc. The biggest thing going on in my life currently, is my surgery. Just a little heads up: I may be talking about it a lot for a while. I am getting gastric bypass surgery in early June. Nervous and excited does not even begin to explain how I am feeling.

To explain how I made the decision to pursue gastric bypass surgery, I must explain my mom for a minute. My mom had a  rough childhood. She was always overweight, and grew up with extremely low self esteem because of it. She would lose a lot, and then gain it all back. The roller coaster ride of weight loss lasted her whole life. In 2008 she asked me if I wanted to get lap band surgery. Though she always told me how beautiful I was, she was constantly afraid that I would develop low self esteem like she had always struggled with. The truth is, I have extremely high self esteem. Yes, when I was young I struggled with body image and all sorts of self esteem issues (who doesn’t?!). However, since I was 12 I have had more confidence and higher self esteem than most people I have known (of all ages). Being overweight never made me sad or self conscious. I always felt like if someone judges me for that (or anything else), they don’t belong in my life…. and that’s perfectly okay.

When my mom asked me if I wanted to get lap band surgery, I said no. I had no real health problems (diabetes, hypertension, etc), and I have no self esteem problems. She accepted my reasoning, but explained that she was worried if I didn’t lose weight I would eventually get sick. Now fast forward to February 2012. I give birth to my beautiful daughter Autumn, and find out that during pregnancy I developed all sorts of health problems. Now we find out I have diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, and a fast pulse. I am put on all sorts of medicine (including shots of insulin twice a day/night). These health scares have jolted me awake and into a world of constant fear. Fear that I will die young, and my daughter (like myself) will spend most of her life without a mom. Fear that my time with all my loved ones will be cut short.

My mom’s birthday is September 20th, and each year since she passed (in 2010), that day tends to be sore for me.  In September of 2013, I was thinking about my mom. I thought about how much I miss her giving me advice. Before I knew it, I started thinking about her asking me to consider lap band. Out of plain ol’ curiosity, I went online to see if surgeries are covered by my insurance… and they are. I contemplated this decision until late October. I love my body as is. It has become part of my identity. I always loved helping people, and part of me trying to help people was explaining to them “hey, look… I’m overweight, and still gorgeous, confident, and accomplished.” I guess in some weird way I wanted to be some type of role model for people to help them accept and love themselves more. Finally, the last week of October I decided that my health was the most important thing. I NEED to be around for my family. The thought of people heartbroken over me….. well, it breaks MY heart. I can’t hurt the people I love. So I began the process in early November.

INSURANCE GUIDELINES FOR GASTRIC BYPASS:

1- Information session.

2- Six months of nutrition counseling.

3- Psychiatric evaluation.

4- Insurance approval request sent out (when all of the different people approve you).

The information session was easy but boring. My sister went with me, which made it better. It was just an hour, and talked about the main three types of surgery (gastric bypass, gastric sleeve, and lap band). The six months of nutrition counseling went well and actually felt like it flew by. They start you on vitamins, so those will become a daily routine. The psychiatric evaluation is just a doctor making sure you are doing this for the right reasons. They also need to know that you are well aware what you’re about to get yourself into. This is, after all, a life changing surgery.  May 2nd is my last nutritionist appointment, and then all my papers will be sent in for insurance approval. Everyone has told me so far to expect an early June surgery, so that’s what I have been expecting.

For the last six months I have done a lot of research on the surgery. I have found that the most helpful source of knowledge about what to expect, has come from the blogs of people who have already done it. Hopefully I will help someone as well. They can read my blog and see what life was like before and after. If anyone needs any advice or wants more information, feel free to private message me on here or email me at sdimand@gmail.com. Health is everything. If you have ANY health concerns, don’t procrastinate! Take care of it as soon as possible, if not for yourself, then do it for your loved ones.

Until next time,

Dimand Girl

“She took the leap and built her wings on the way down”.- David Brinkley

“If it’s both terrifying and amazing, then you should definitely pursue it.”- Erada

“Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or even in a year, but eventually things will turn up you will get better and be able to look back and say with relief: ‘I made it.'”- Unknown