There has been a lot going on lately! I have always had slight insomnia, but lately it’s been even worse because I lay awake at night thinking about a million things… like what needs to be done the next day, school, money, friend stuff, missing my mom, worried about my dad, Autumn, health, my husband, Timur, etc, etc, etc. The list could go on for days. I stress myself out over things that are so out of my control, but I am really trying to work on it. I am working with somebody who has a holistic approach to nutrition counselling. The first step in his program is getting down to the emotional barrier of why I struggle so much with my health and relationship to food. He believes (and I agree) that if you get down to the emotional core of ourselves, the other stuff will start falling into place. So far through our sessions I have started to realize that I have anxiety, and I am letting fear control my life. I even get afraid when Alex is out that he will get in an accident and die and I will spend my whole life broken because I lost the love of my life. After my mom passed, my anxiety got much worse. I had never lost someone that close to me, and I never want to feel that way again. Now I hold the people I love extremely close to me and I am terrified of losing them more then ever. Again, I’m working on all of this!
Anyway, some of the things going on in my life currently:
-I officially declared my major in Social Work a couple weeks ago, very excited about that! The only problem is next semester (fall 2014), in order to catch up to other Social Work majors, I need to take 6 classes. That’s the most I’ve ever taken at one time. I also looked up all my professors on ratemyprofessor.com (lifesaver!!), and I found out ALL 6 of my professors are very hard. Eeeeek, so scared. I don’t have a choice though because I need these classes.
-I am also getting closer and closer to the surgery. The first week of June is 5 weeks from now… that means that in 3 weeks I need to start the all liquid diet. I am horrified for that. I can only eat foods like soup broth (no noodles, meat, or anything) and jello. I have also been freaking myself out about the surgery. Last night I stayed up until 4am researching people who died from gastric bypass surgery. I’m sure it’s a normal concern, but I kept thinking ‘I can’t die and be away from my family’. The thought is so painful.
-I am planning a graduation party for Alex and Timur in late May. I have less than a month to plan it, and I have been procrastinating to the maximum. I NEED to get my butt in gear and start planning!
-Alex and Timur graduate on May 12th. I am very excited for them, but not excited to sit for 4 hours straight for the ceremony. I know, this is a small complaint.
I think that’s about it! I will post in the next week or so another update! Everyone have a great week!
“99% of things you worry about, never happen.”- Unknown
“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.”- Denis Waitley
“Trust the process.”- Linda Wagner