Mother’s Day is very bittersweet for me. I woke up today sad. I miss my mom a lot. I cried a little bit about it and Alex comforted me. When I walked out to the kitchen I found a display that Alex somehow set up during the night or morning. It cheered me up a lot and the rest of the day was nice. This actually happens with almost all holidays. I start out sad about my mom, and then slowly start to heal throughout the day and start enjoying myself. I always tell myself I want to visit my mom, but I never do. I find that going to visit her actually makes me much more sad. It reminds me that she’s gone. Most of the time I like to think that the grave is just her body… her soul is in Heaven watching over me and the rest of her loved ones. I have visited about 5 times now, but every single time I always feel worse leaving then when I arrived. Anyway, Alex had work at 4pm and then got out early and was home by 8pm. We went to a late dinner (me, Alex, Timur, and Autumn) at The Cheesecake Factory. It’s one of my favorite restaurants, and it was very fun! I love my family so much. They turn my dark thoughts light.
Yesterday we brought Autumn to the beach for the first time. She loved it!! At first she was scared of the sand and water, but eventually she loved both. She would run into the water (too cold to swim but she would get her feet wet), then run out laughing. We built sand castles and played for hours. It was very fun! She also made a friend who’s the same age at the beach! It seems like she makes friends literally everywhere we go, and that makes me very happy.
I finally submitted to insurance for the surgery approval! FINALLY done with all the nutritionist appointments, psychiatric evaluations, surgeon meetings, etc. The team at UIC (where I’m getting the surgery done) is amazing!!! Everyone I have met, I love. I have even made friends with a couple of my doctors there! They have made me feel so much better about everything. I am still nervous, but knowing what good hands I’m in just makes this whole process 1000000 times smoother. I’m viewing this surgery not as a new chapter, but as a new book. I’m starting over. Keeping all my old lessons and memories, but leaving all the pain, fear, and stress behind. I’ve had a lot of conversations with Alex about the new lifestyle I am implementing in my/our life. He is fully supportive, on board, and excited.
My healthy lifestyle changes are as follows: 1- Get rid of my hypertension and kidney issues/diabetes (or at least get it extremely under control) by complete change of diet. 2- Exercise, exercise, exercise!! I will start out with twice a week for two weeks, then three times a week for two weeks, then four times a week for two weeks. By the time I hit my 3 month post-op appointment, I want to be working out 4-5 times a week. 3- Better sleeping habits. Right now I am a borderline insomniac. This can’t continue if I want to lead a healthy life. I can’t go on being exhausted all day every day. It literally affects my whole life. I have already started going to bed earlier and waking up earlier, but it isn’t nearly enough. I want to eventually get to the point where I am in bed asleep by midnight (or earlier), and awake by 7 or 8 in the morning and really feeling awake. 4- Working on my stress level. I need to get my stress in check. As of now, it rules my life. I need to figure out a way to reduce my stress or at least teach myself to cope better with it. This will help me sleep better, eat better, and feel more motivated in life. This is pivotal!
I know it seems like a lot, but I have NEVER been more motivated to get all of this under control. This surgery is a great first step! Hopefully my next update will be with a surgery date!
Happy Mother’s Day!!
“Gather up all your scattered dreams and build the life you love.”- Catina Jane Gray
“If you never try, you’ll never know what you’re capable of.”- John Barrow
“Non est ad astra mollis e terris via.” (translation- “There is no easy way from the Earth to the Stars”)- Seneca the Younger
^^^Mother’s Day display I woke up to. I love that one picture is of my mom and I, and the other is Autumn and I- very symbolic! Alex, T, and Autumn made sure my day was amazing! By the way, I love Alex for lots of things… his spelling ability is not one of them 😉
Some beach day photos:
Some random Autumn/family photos that I love (in honor of Mother’s Day):