My surgery is rapidly approaching! I am still excited and nervous, but my most overwhelming emotion is readiness (is that even an emotion?!). I am ready for my new healthy lifestyle. I am ready to wake up and have energy. I am ready to put in the work. I’m not gonna lie and say that I will be perfect from this day forward. I will fall on my face sometimes. And that’s okay, because everyone does. As long as I don’t lay on the floor defeated, I will be just fine. Pick up the pieces, learn from the mistakes, and move forward.
In this liquid diet I have made a few mistakes. I’m not happy that I did, but I’m also not shaming myself for them. After my first day slip up on Mac N Cheese (refer to the blog entry before this one), I decided that if I was going to cheat it wouldn’t be on heavy carb foods. My few cheats have been on crab legs and lobster tail, a few pickles here and there, and a handful of black olives. I haven’t gone crazy, and since those slip-up’s I haven’t let it happen again. Yesterday I got some good news from my nutritionist at UIC (she actually just left UIC because she moved, but she continues to help me on the side when I have questions (she’s incredible!)). She said that it’s okay if I have 3-4 ounces of fish or chicken a day. I decided to stick to fish since it’s much lighter. It’s still not much, but it makes everything exponentially better. At least when my family is eating dinner I don’t have to sit there empty and jealous, I can nibble on my salmon. I have also lost any urge to cheat because I have something to look forward to for dinner.
If anyone reading this has been in this boat, will be in this boat, or might be in this boat, please read what I’m about to say. DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP. Adding unnecessary stress and beating yourself up over mistakes only makes things worse. Forgive yourself and move on. Certainly don’t go crazy (I say that for your own health and wellness during/after surgery), but if you have small cheats here and there don’t let the guilt eat you alive. I’m not gonna lie, this is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. I am constantly hungry, tired, weak, sore, etc. I never understood how much food actually fuel’s the body because I’ve never gone very long without eating. Now I get it. All that being said, the truth is- it’s gotten easier. Not just because of the salmon being added into my diet, but because my body (and mind) has kind of gotten used to not eating much. I’ve realized that the diet is not only to shrink the liver, but also to prepare us mentally and physically for life after surgery. This is pretty close to what it will be like, so I’m actually glad that this liquid diet exists to help prepare me.
With that, I’m going to stop ranting about the liquid diet and move on to a happier subject… future goals and lifestyle changes that me (and my family) will achieve/put in place.
-Working out 4-6 times a week.
-Eating healthy 85-95% of the time.
-Waking up earlier.
-Going to sleep earlier (work on my insomnia issues).
-Work on my stress and anxiety.
It may be a short list of only five things, but these five hurtles have held me back for a long time. I’m breaking the shackles. I am very happy that Alex and Timur are on the same page as me about this surgery. It is the first step of many to lead an honestly all around healthy life. We already have the happiness, all we need is the health!! My biggest motivation in all of this is Autumn. I want to lead by example how important positive lifestyle changes are. I want to be the best mother and role model I can be for her.
On another note, I am going to start uploading some recipes here that me and my family love. The vast majority of them are family recipes that have been handed down to me from my parents (both great cooks). They are also all very simple, which is great for me who’s not the world’s greatest cook (yet!)!
I wish you all love, happiness, and HEALTH! Until next time,
“Believe you can and you’re half way there.”- Theodore Roosevelt
“Mistakes are proof that you’re trying.”- Unknown