I don’t really have any big updates, but I have a bunch of little ones. I’m going to make them in list form today because I think it may be easier that way.
1.) I’ve been going out a lot. Before the surgery, I avoided being physically active. I never even realized how bad it was. I literally sat inside all day, every day, with no regard to how it affected Autumn to be stuck inside the first 2 or 2.5 years of her life. Not anymore. I still sit/relax a lot, but my parenting and my activity level has increased ten fold. For example, I’ve taken her to the park probably 10 times in the last two weeks. I take her on walks when the weather’s nice (not every day, but much more then I ever did before). And even when we’re home, I play with her much more. I will spin her around, dance with her, sing with her, color/arts and crafts, etc. All things I didn’t do before. I would let her entertain herself or have her friends come over to entertain her so I didn’t have to. I’m embarrassed to admit that, but it’s the truth. Not just with Autumn, though. I’m more active in everything. An example, I have girls nights often (between 2 and 4 times a month) and my energy is shown there too. We went shopping at Torrid for me to buy some new interview and work attire, and I tried on probably 50 pieces of clothing and wasn’t tired at all. Side note: I started in a size 4 at Torrid and I’m now a size 1. As I move forward in this journey I definitely want to make it a goal to watch less TV and to sit on my butt far less. I’m a work in progress.
2.) Me and my friends had a drinking night last weekend. It was a lot of fun! I get drunk very easily now a days. Like one glass of wine, easily. And I had three. So…. yeah. But that was another way in which I was shocked at my energy. Before surgery when I would drink we would play drunken games and sit mostly. Now it was quite a difference. We danced, sang, did the train around my apartment, etc. It was a night to remember!
3.) My big brother- Josh- flew in from his travels. He’s what I like to call a world traveler and modern day explorer. He spent a few months in Hawaii and came back about a month ago but then flew to Portland. I put a picture below of our first day reuniting after Portland. It was really fun, plus he cooked us lunch so I had a day off from cooking!
4.) On Thursday (23rd of April) the town we live in- Arlington Heights- had it’s yearly Spring Spectacular Festival. It’s for the whole town to get together and bring their kiddo’s for a fun (not to mention, free) day outside. It was a blast for Autumn! We rode on a train (which I fit on with ease), we went into a petting zoo, sat down for story time, did a candy hunt on the field, and played in the park. Autumn really had the best time! Can’t wait to go again next year.
This is the part in this post where I kind of need to vent while I update y’all:
5.) So, I got a job. It’s very flexible hours, decent pay for part time, and very close to my home. But I’m nervous. We don’t even have Autumn in daycare yet, and I’m scared of change. I’m going to miss being around her all the time. I start tomorrow (Tuesday) at 4pm and I work until 10pm which means I won’t even get to say goodnight to her. I’m nervous about how our schedule will work around this, I’m nervous about being away from my family more, and I’m nervous about being on my feet for very long periods of time. Even though I’m a million times more active than before, I’m still slightly nervous of that (but it’s the least thing I’m worried about). I’m most worried about being away from my family. As I have told you guys in the past, Alex and I are very close. We do everything together. We grocery shop together (every time), we run small errands together, etc etc etc. And Autumn I’m used to seeing every waking hour of every day. And even though a part of me is excited to get out of the house more, the other part of me is saying “you are really gonna be miserable and missing your family”. The biggest pressure I feel though is that I don’t want to be a failure in life. I don’t want to waste my potential. These issues (plus the school one I’m about to list) have been causing me massive amounts stress lately.
6.) I’m still at a complete loss about what to do for school. Go to NIU and pursue a B.S. in Communicative Disorders (which will take many years), or go back to NEIU and get a slightly generic B.A. or B.S. in business or something like that (which will only take 1.5 or 2 years). Not a clue. Going to NIU would be difficult but probably more rewarding in the future. I would have to re-do a bunch of credits that didn’t transfer (three math classes, a science class, and a communications class), PLUS the 70 credits I would need to add on to that for the degree. And I never know if I would be accepted into the highly competitive Master’s program (you can’t practice Speech and Language Pathology without a Master’s degree). Ugh, so much to think about, so little time.
7.) I haven’t lost any weight, but I haven’t gained any either. I’ve been falling off the bandwagon lately due to boredom. If I even see another hard-boiled egg, I’ll puke. I really don’t know what to meal-prep and eat for lunches right now. I’ve also been kind of giving in and eating whatever I want whenever I want. This needs to end. The good thing about falling off the wagon nowadays is unlike before surgery, when I fall off I get back on. Before surgery I would fall off, and stay off. So I’m going to start using MyFitnessPal more thoroughly and pick myself up from this small funk.
I’ve received a lot of good advice on facebook or email from y’all, but please- keep it coming! Any advice or words of encouragement about the school and job situation is really needed. I’m ever-so-slightly lost right now.
With love… and hope,
“When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this: you haven’t.”- Thomas Edison
“Being courageous doesn’t mean that you aren’t afraid. Being courageous means that you have the inner strength to embrace being afraid and still move forward.”- Unknown
^^Here’s a couple before and after’s^^
^^Each picture is from a different visit to the park or walk outside. And these are only a few of them, there are many more!^^
^^NSV (non scale victory): trying on a billion clothes and NOT feeling out of breath or exhausted!^^
^^Wild- and fun!- night!^^
^^Day with my big brother!^^
^^Day out at Spring Spectacular!^^